Crack no Jutsu!
by doodlelover
Summary: Naruto has a new jutsu and wants to show Sasuke to prove it works. NaruSasu, surprise crack pairing.


**Uh...I have no idea what I had in mind when I wrote this. It was 3 AM, and I was tired. Please forgive any mistakes and/or errors...**

**And...not meant to be funny or anything completely well written...just...something to occupy my mind with while I ate my muffin. Enjoy.**

* * *

**CRACK NO JUTSU!**

* * *

"What the hell are you talking about...?"

Naruto huffed. "I'm serious! This is totally going to work! Just _watch_." he told Sasuke, doing a few hands signs.

"I don't believe you."

"Then just shut the hell up and watch!"

"But there's no people here."

"And what does that have to do with anything?!"

"..."

"...Shut up, Sasuke."

"I didn't--"

"Shh!"

The boy clamped his mouth shut and followed when Naruto turned to leave, heading into the village.

When they arrived at one of the busiest streets Naruto began searching for the test subject of his newest tomfoolery.

He quickly spotted the guinea pig for his test. "Ah! Kakashi-sensei!" he shouted and waved his master over.

The masked man looked around, spotted Naruto, shrugged, and began to walk over with his infamous green book in hand. "Yes, and what do my lovely little genins want from me today?"

Naruto quickly placed his hands on his sensei's shoulders and--

--kneed him in the groin.

Kakashi doubled over and then promptly proceeded to cry on the ground, begging and pleading that his family jewels would come out unharmed.

Sasuke gaped. "Di--what the hell?!"

Naruto grinned. "Success!"

"At what?!"

"My jutsu."

"...you know what, never mind."

Naruto just grinned even more as Kakashi got up, looked around, and then stared as something--some_one_ caught his eye.

"Chouji!" Kakashi cried.

Sasuke blanched as his master ran to the side of the street and grabbed the plump kid, crushing him in an embrace he had thought only capable of Gai. And then blanched some more as a scene started to unfold.

"See?!" Naruto beamed.

"...??...!!"

The blonde watched in amusement as Sasuke's expressions went from, curiosity, to shock, and then complete and utter horror.

"I'm amazing."

"Gah...meh..."

Sasuke was beyond words.

A half hour later the jutsu wore off, Chouji and Kakashi parted ways, and Sasuke was left to gape by his lonesome. Well--almost lonesome.

"Well, teme? Wadday think?"

Sasuke thought about his answer carefully.

"Do me."

"Huh?"

"_Do_ _me_."

"Literally or theoretically?"

"Litter--Wait, no! Not--Just do the fucking jutsu!"

"Okay, Sasuke, okay."

He made the necessary hand signs and then kneed Sasuke in the groin, as he did with Kakashi.

Sasuke cupped his abused organs, letting out a grunt, and then looked up with pain enlaced eyes.

Nothing happened.

"What the fuck, moron! I thought you said--"

Naruto cut him off and punched himself in the balls, doubling over and crying out in pain.

Sasuke stared.

"What the fuck did you do that for?" he asked incredulously.

But Naruto ignored him and quickly attached his lips to Sasuke, tackling him to the ground.

"Eh? Get off, usuratonkachi!"

Naruto continued to attack his neck and place hickey after hickey on the pale skin.

"Hey, Sasuke." he said after pulling away.

"Hey what?" the Uchiha asked flatly.

"I think you're an uke."

"I am a _what?"_

"Ya know, the receiver." The blond made an absent hand motion.

Sasuke glared. "I'm no receiver!"

"Well, Kakashi isn't either!"

"And what does that have to do with this?!"

"Because the jutsu worked on him! And me! And not you!"

"I'm not an uke!" the raven shouted again.

"Well, I'm not either!"

"I'm not gay!"

Silence.

Sasuke looked away.

Naruto gave him a funny look. "You're gay Sasuke. And more importantly; you're an uke."

"Well, then, you're gay too!"

"And seme."

"To who!"

"You."

"I hate you."

And then the two teens rutted away until the early hours of the morning.

The End.

* * *

**Yaaaaay for crack. I need sleep. It's 6:00 PM, but I don't care. My bed awaits me. Feel free to give me something else to keep my mind occupied, rather than write something like _this_ again. And is this my first NaruSasu on here? I think it is.  
**

**Review?**


End file.
